Saturday was a journey…. I’m still integrating.
There was a meditation/talk at the local Dharma Center on ‘The Ground of Being.’ I didn’t think I would make it. I had plans with my boyfriend and his friends, but the title called to me.
I’ve been sensitive lately, so when my boyfriend wouldn’t look up from his phone when I was talking to him I got upset. I felt really frustrated and invisible, so I decided meditation might be a little more beneficial than going out with friends. On a whim I decided I would bike it and then maybe I’d meet up with them after. It’s 12 miles round trip. I’d never done it before. I’m not that in shape.
Google said biking would take me 30 mins, so I gave myself an hour to be safe. I figured I’d be slow. My boyfriend changed my bike tire (I’d gotten a flat recently) and had me test it. The frame was scraping against the tire a little so he made some adjustments. It felt fine after that, but I was a little paranoid at the start of my trip, worried that I’d somehow get a flat again. I tried to push the thought away.
It felt good to be riding, there was a breeze in the air, not too hot. But shortly into the ride I turned to head North, and that breeze turned into a strong wind opposing me directly. I had to get off and walk a few times, my thighs burning as I fought the air current.
I asked the wind sisters to please just calm down for me, but that only seemed to make the wind blow harder. By the time I only had about a mile left I was exhausted. A part of me wanted to throw in the towel, but I was so close and I knew if I pushed myself I could make it. Plus, home was 5 miles away at this point. I walked whenever I needed, and thought I might be 10 minutes late.
As I got closer the wind kicked up a notch and I had to get off my bike again. It was then I noticed a small bird laying dead in the middle of the bike path. I set my bike down and gently cradled the bird, moving it to the tall grass and sending a blessing.
What message is this? I wondered. What is about to fall away? There were so many other birds around, flying free, so I felt like the omen might be about letting go of something that needed to go, rather than something as jarring as a family death (which I’d recently experienced.) Every life is precious, yet I understood that even as death exists life is still so abundant, there was balance.
I got back on my bike to try and get to my destination on time, still fighting the air resistance. . . then my chain fell off. To anyone who is familiar with bikes this might seem simple to fix, but until recently I hadn’t had a bike since I was about 10 and am still learning the tricks. I fiddled with it some and couldn’t get it back on. I would have to walk the rest of the way.
The trek felt long. It was a 2 minute drive, so walking against the wind after riding so far was more tiring than I wanted to be, especially knowing how easy it could’ve been. I tried to just breath through it and wait for the lesson to sink in.
As I finally arrived at the Dharma Center something caught my eye. On the side of the rode there was a 2″x 4″ deep purple cloth. This was the only litter around. I picked it up and put in in my purse, feeling a connection to the Violet Flame, and went inside.
I was a half hour late, and didn’t want to disturb the mediation at this point, so I sat in the front room and meditated on my own. While meditating I got the inspiration to turn my bike upside down to fix it, and this time the chain came back on easily. I decided my journey was finished. I’d experienced what I’d needed to. Time to head home without attending the group meditation. I texted my boyfriend to meet up with him.
The chain broke another 5 times on the journey back, and I left my phone there and had to turn around after I’d already biked a good 15 minutes away. Through all of these trials I only got frustrated a few times. Mostly I breathed through it, thanking Pachamama for the lessons.
As I examine it I see more connections, to Wiracocha (Grand Creator), whose direction is North, element is air, and animal allies are the winged ones. So I sit and listen, trying to understand all of the inspiration Wiracocha sent me.
I learned that the Ground of Being begins in this body. I spend a lot of time in my head thinking about being, and maybe that’s why I missed the meditation, I’d done enough thinking. It wasn’t until I forced myself to a place where I had to keep going, no matter how much my muscles ached, that I understood how much I wasn’t living in my body recently. I felt frustration at times, but once I overcame the initial resistance, reached my destination, and retrieved what I forgot, the journey back was met with much less resistance. With the chain falling off so much it gave me an excuse to walk. To just be, existing in this body, enjoying the stars and the night air. And the wind was at my back, so it cradled me rather than opposed me. I could breathe, I needed it.
When I met up with my boyfriend and his friends I was in a good mood. I was shining. I’d just had the longest journey, and it made a damn good story. I was refreshed.
No matter how much I want to, I can’t rush things. Things will take as long as they take, and no less. I learned that resistance can aid in understanding, and the feeling of ease once the resistance is removed is pure bliss. I’m not sure what the Dharma talk covered, but maybe it had something to do with this. Or maybe not. But I got the lesson I needed, and now I try to integrate it.
On a spiritual level I can still feel that wind coming from the North, bringing resistance as I try so hard to reach my destination. I feel exhausted and weary, but I have to keep moving forward. I’ll get there when I get there, and I know once I do all that resistance will have made me strong. I look forward to the rest ❤